What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 02:25
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why can't we send flat Earthers to space and show them the shape of Earth?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We were not on the streets..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Can you tell me a depressing story?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I could never make a relationship work though!
But, we were locked up after school.
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I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She was in good health!
Has anyone been tricked into having sex with a shemale? How was the experience?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What's the most sordid activity you've ever seen or heard about at a bachelorette party?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
What’s the craziest thing you’ve heard pretending to be asleep?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
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And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Put me off passion for life!!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I will be 64.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
So whats the point in blame.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was 9 years of age.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was very sick at this time too.
He knew the spot.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Ive learnt so much.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Im still living with it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was scared of men, in general
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Was to survive, this bastard.
One cannot live in the past .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She found it foreign!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She wouldn,t have been !
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I waited trembling.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Comes on , in middle age.
Who then, do I blame.?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
What did i know ?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
It was going to be , some day.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And i lived it daily.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
This is soul school!.
She loved him until the end.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I think the readers, may guess!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But it wasn’t much.
I write beautiful poetry .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My life is so biszare .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I have no regrets .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My family never makes their pension either.
I don,t even have a pension.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I said to her
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was seconnd youngest,
All the time i was locked up.
We all went to grammer schools
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
So, i spoilt her more .
Would this be the day?
But ive been too sick for many years..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She married twice! .
As i do to all so called friends.?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
When she asked me how she looked .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He resisted the act ,that day.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.